your mind is not your own
by hollyhobbit101
Summary: Their situation is far too familiar to Sam, and something won't leave him alone. Tag to 12x08, LOTUS


**A/N: This has taken a long time to get written. Because we are in the middle of Hellatus I need something to fill my time, so I'm going to write one of these for each of TFW (probably in separate fics), although they'll most likely come out randomly because I have mocks straight after Christmas break so I need to factor in revision time and stuff. Anyway, here's the first one for Sam.**

 **Warning: Mentions of self harm**

* * *

Sam is no stranger to being locked up. He's been tortured every way imaginable and somehow managed to come out the other side. This time, though, this is different.

The room is small, too small really. He finds that if he stretches his arms out he can lay his palms flat against the wall on either side. Pacing gets old; he only takes five steps and he's at the other side already. He lies down on the bed but he's too tall for it (at least that hasn't changed) and his legs cramp before too long has passed. Which is how he ends up stood in the middle of the room, face upturned to a ceiling that's only a foot above his head.

"Cas," he starts, but the words stick in his throat. The angel doesn't have his wings anymore, but even if he did he wouldn't be able to find them. He thinks of Chuck and goes to try again but he doesn't know what to say and ends up slumped back on the bed, head resting in his hands.

* * *

"Finally figured it out, huh?"

Sam jerks his head to the side and his eyes widen in shock as he takes in the sight before him. Lucifer lounges in the door, a small smirk on his face. Sam stands up and backs away but his back hits the cold stone wall and there's nowhere to go, no escape, he's trapped.

"God doesn't care about you, Sam. Just like he never cared about me, or any of us. We're just toys that he leaves to gather dust in the corner once he gets bored of us."

Sam feels his breathing pick up and tries to force it down. "You're not here. You can't be here."

"You sure about that, bunk buddy?"

"We stopped you. You- You're back in the Cage."

"That egg?" Lucifer scoffs. "You seriously think that stopped me? That thing doesn't have the juice to send me back to the Cage no matter what your smarmy British friends say. Speaking of, does this look familiar to you? Locked room, you and me? Ringing any bells?"

And it does. Sam wishes it didn't but Lucifer's words bring memories of the Cage bubbling to the surface, memories he tried so hard to repress. He remembers the burning, the blades, the ice and the dark and the pain. He remembers Lucifer's laughter and his screams and he remembers falling down, down, down into the depths of Hell.

* * *

He digs his nails into his palms to try and bring himself back to reality but it isn't enough, he needs to feel real pain, needs to see his blood dripping red down his skin. He looks around wildly but there's nothing in the room that will help him; no windows or mirrors, bed bolted to the floor, not even a flaw on the stone wall he could use.

Over in the corner, Lucifer laughs. "You want pain, Sam? You want to feel real pain?" He takes a couple of steps forward (and, really, that's all it takes for him to end up centimetres away from Sam) and rests his palm on Sam's chest. "I could give it to you." And, God, does Sam wish he would because maybe then he would be able to know what is real and what isn't. Then the pressure vanishes and Lucifer backs away and shakes his head. "I could," he states again. "But I won't."

Sam looks up in confusion and makes the mistake of meeting the Devil's ice blue eyes. He sees himself reflected in them, and he sees the cold, cruel humour that dances within. Lucifer smiles, and it's a smile that's full of pure joy and that terrifies Sam more than anything he's ever faced before. "You want me to hurt you because then you might be able to convince yourself that I'm not actually here, right? No. Because this is much more fun. I can watch you sit and slowly go mad all over again and I won't even have to lift a finger to help you along the way. I think this is the best torture yet, don't you agree?"

"G-Go to Hell," Sam weakly forces out.

"Not without you," Lucifer sing-songs, grinning at the way Sam's voice shakes and stutters. Sam edges to the right until his legs hit the metal frame of his bed. He sinks down onto the too-hard mattress and closes his eyes, counting to ten and praying that by the time he reaches ten Lucifer will have gone. But he isn't and Sam shivers as Lucifer sits next to him, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm going to have so much fun," he promises him.

Sam doesn't doubt it.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! I'm actually really happy with how this turned out! Cas's one is currently half written and Dean's will be coming at some point. If you have a moment, please leave a review! Bye!**


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